Thinner
by strawberryfinn
Summary: JONAS. Kevin stood in front of the mirror and stared at his reflection. His hands shook as he pinched the skin on his stomach. Why couldn’t he be like Joe or Nick? Why was he so ugly? He decided one thing. He needed to become thinner. Anorexia, Bulemia
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**: Enjoy, a Kevin Lucas story.

**THINNER**

**SUMMARY**:  
He stood in front of the bathroom mirror and stared at his reflection. His hands shook as he pinched the skin on his stomach. His breath was heavy and a tear trickled down his face.

Why couldn't he be like his brothers? Have a lean frame like Joe or a wiry body like Nick? Why did his thighs look humongous and why was he so _ugly_?

He put his hands to his eyes and sobbed. Pulling his fingers away he looked at his reddened eyelids in the mirror, coughed a few times, and then wiped his hands on his pants. He stared at himself hard and he decided one thing.

He needed to become _thinner._

**1.**

He breathed in. He breathed out. He stared at his empty reflection and touched his stomach gently, pulling the layer of fat. He hated it.

He hated himself.

He hated the way he looked. He hated the way his muscles were practically nonexistent. He hated the way people compared him to his brothers.

He hated it. He simply stared at himself. His eyes were empty, his ears too pointy, his nose shaped oddly.

But mostly... the fat. It leered at him, dripped over the side of his pants. It clung to the sides of his thighs.

He couldn't get rid of it.

But he needed to.

"Kevin!" came Joe's call.

He sighed and pulled his shirt back on. "I'm coming."

It was just another day and he wondered if he'd live through it.

* * *

"Dude, Kevin, are you sure that's all you want?" Nick eyes him, confused.

"Yeah, just a salad please-dressing on the side. And a water," Kevin tells the waiter who scrawls it down. "I'm not that hungry," he explains to his brothers.

"Yeah, okay," Nick shrugs absently. "I want the chicken tenders and the French fries."

"I want the large pizza and a large Coke," Joe tells the waiter, snapping his menu shut.

Kevin sighs.

"Are you sure you don't want more, Kevin?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

* * *

Kevin picks at his salad, hoping his brothers won't notice.

Unfortunately, they do.

"Dude, Kevin are you sick or something?" Joe wants to know as he shoves his face full of pizza.

_If only you knew_, are Kevin's thoughts. But he nods yes. "I'm just not hungry," he says, as his stomach omits a growl.

"Yeah...um, okay," Nick says, trying to make the situation a little less awkward.

"I'll eat later," he promises.

A later that will never come.

* * *

He stands on the scale and looks at the weight. 157.

He needs to lose it.

He hasn't eaten all day and feels lightheaded but he can't bring himself to. He needs to lose the fat.

Kevin stares at his reflection again in the hotel bathroom. He slaps his hand across the mirror in frustration, trying to keep himself from sobbing. He doesn't want his brothers to hear him.

He needs to lose the weight.

A thought comes to his mind but he pushes it away. It's dangerous.

The thought remains there.

_It's only once,_ he assures himself. _It's only once._

He walks to the toilet which has never seemed so dangerous before. He looks at the bowl and crouches over it, not sure of what to do. Shoving his fingers into his mouth, he feels himself retch immediately and lets the contents of his stomach spill out.

Heat burns in his nose, tears are hot against his cheeks.

_Only once_, he assures himself.

If only.

* * *

Review for more.


	2. Chapter 2

**THINNER**

**SUMMARY**:  
He stood in front of the bathroom mirror and stared at his reflection. His hands shook as he pinched the skin on his stomach. His breath was heavy and a tear trickled down his face.

Why couldn't he be like his brothers? Have a lean frame like Joe or a wiry body like Nick? Why did his thighs look humongous and why was he so _ugly_?

He put his hands to his eyes and sobbed. Pulling his fingers away he looked at his reddened eyelids in the mirror, coughed a few times, and then wiped his hands on his pants. He stared at himself hard and he decided one thing.

He needed to become _thinner._

**2.**

"Um... Kevin?" Joe looks worriedly at him. "You haven't even like touched your salad." Joe pokes the piece of lettuce stabbed by Kevin's fork. "And since when have you gone all 'vegetarian' on us?"

Kevin stares at the piece of lettuce and reluctantly brings it up to his mouth, making sure that it has no dressing on it first. He readjusts his bandana and looks at Joe. "I don't know really. I just don't think I should eat meat anymore."

"Why not?" Nick says, stuffing his face with a burger. "Come on Kevin, we're going on tonight; you have to eat something."

"No," Kevin says flatly. "I'm not hungry."

Right then his stomach decides to emit a loud growl.

Joe looks skeptically at him. "Your stomach sounds kind of hungry."

Kevin sighs, his mind flashing back to the morning. 155? He'd lost practically no weight for so much puking and starving. He'd just to have to try harder, he'd decided.

But the smell from Nick's cheeseburger is nauseating and his head is spinning. Kevin puts a tomato in his mouth.

"I don't know, you guys. Meat just... really grosses me out right now. I mean, I don't know, I don't want to eat cows anymore," he says lamely.

Nick stares at him. Nick dips his cheeseburger into some ketchup and takes another bite.

Kevin's stomach whines again.

He finishes the salad, telling himself he won't eat later.

-

The show is over and Kevin's back is full of sweat. His head is spinning and sweat drips from his face. He goes to the bathroom and washes the cold sweat off his face with even colder water.

His body needs food. His body needs energy.

But all Kevin can bring himself to drink is water.

His brothers are waiting for him to get in line for the Meet and Greet and he joins them.

They look at him and don't say anything. They all just start smiling for the fans.

Picture after picture after picture.

The lights flash bright on their faces and Kevin's mind drifts away. He realizes how dizzy he is and stables himself by grabbing onto the table hard. The world seems to be spinning and he can't keep anything in focus. He leans over and heaves until the salad comes out and there's a scream from the horrified girl standing next to him. He hears himself try to apologize wildly and sees Joe run over and yell at Nick to get paper towels but the whole time he's not really there.

Kevin's not really there.

* * *

Review for more.


	3. Chapter 3

**3.**

"Kevin, what the fuck is wrong with you?" yelps Joe, throwing his hands up in frustration. It's later after the vomit disturbance has been cleaned up and the girl is sent home happily with five autographed pictures and Joe's tie from the evening. Nice trade-off for being thrown up on.

Kevin doesn't answer but runs his hand over his mouth, wiping saliva on his pants. He pants heavily and Nick looks worriedly at him.

"Joe, I think he's sick."

"What the hell? He can't be sick--we have our whole tour ahead of us--we just can't have him throw up on people whenever he feels like it!" Joe is fuming with anger and he punches the wall of the tour bus furiously.

"Do we have to cancel the tour?" comes their bassist's voice as he tilts his head out of the bunk. "Because really, we can if Kevin needs it."

"It would be better if we didn't have to," shouts out drummer, "but if Kevin needs it, I'm up for it."

"Besides, imagine how many get well cards you'd get," snorts their guitarist. "_Dear Kevin, I want you to feel better so maybe_ I _can make you feel better. Come over to my house at_-"

He's cut off by Kevin running to the tour bus bathroom.

"Yeah, he's sick," says Nick definitely.

* * *

Kevin throws back his head from the sink as he rubs water around his puffy eyelids. He sucks in a deep breath and tries to get some control over his convulsions.

_I can't eat,_ he wills himself, _this is just a small bump in the road—it will be okay._

But he has to beat his body. He steps out of the bathroom, avoiding contact with his brothers or the band members and finds his laptop.

He searches "vomiting aid," typing rapidly in the Google screen and presses enter.

Grabbing a piece of paper close to him, he scribbles down the first result.

Ipecac.

* * *

"I know what the problem is!" Joe shouts suddenly.

Nick looks disinterestedly at him, "What?"

"When did Kevin go all _vegan_ on us? Like…two weeks back?"

"Uh… yeah," Nick says stupidly, running his hand through his tousled hair.

"Isn't that when he started being sick?" Joe says, pointing his finger up at God knows where.

"Oh my God, yeah!" Nick says, dawning horror washing over him. "And that means-"

"KEVIN IS ALLERGIC TO LETTUCE!" blurts out Joe.

Nick stares skeptically at him. "And _I'm_ the stupid one?"

Joe looks at Nick. "We've got to get Kevin to eat."

* * *

Kevin walks into the gas station on one of their pit stops. While Joe and Nick are furiously fighting over Cheetos, he pushes past them and finds what he's looking for in the pharmaceutical section.

He pays for his treasure and stashes it in his pocket.

For later.


End file.
